Family

When I was younger, I spent almost every Thanksgiving and Christmas at my Aunt and Uncle’s house. As I grew up, my family became more and more fractured, with my female cousin’s marriage disintegrating and word getting out that she had suffered a decade of abuse at the hands of her husband. It was a very confusing moment when I first saw her after the news broke. She looked at me with this desperate optimism and said “i’m fine”. While I admire her strength and perseverance, I could tell she was anything but ok.

When my father’s mother died, Maw-maw, she got the wrong impression of me, that I was only after some of the inheritance. In truth, I was desperate at the time for something good to happen, and was suspicious that they were the ones being greedy. This mutual distrust has left a permanent rift between my cousin and I. All I see online from her are pictures and posts either about her sons, whose military careers she’s extremely proud of, and her string of dead-beat boyfriends. Occasionally, i’ll hear about medical problems of hers. I think she should seek counseling, but it’s not my place to tell her that. I’ve contented myself with just keeping distance between us, which I feel, at the moment, is best.

As far as the rest of the family goes, I don’t think much of them anymore. My cousin Alvin has come to visit us with his father twice, and both times, i’ve given him extensive health advice which I hope he applies in his life. I have a lot of hope for him personally. I have always wanted our family to be close and not let anything tear it apart. There isn’t much to keep it together apart from death, I suppose. I don’t look on it as a true family. A true family is something like Jenn and I and the bond we share. That is something I never want to end. I often hope that it’s the only truly eternal human bond that I actually have. I once thought of this with Katherine. .  But I could no longer tolerate how she was affecting me.

Real families are beyond space and time, aspects of some greater consciousness fractured in a state of dreaming as separate personalities filling out and being expressed through the capacities of the biology they are held manifest in expression by. When the transition occurs and the biology breaks down, becomes non-functional, the gathered experience, having been quantum-encoded, emerges back into the plane where the totality of consciousness can wake up a bit more with the accumulated experience of itself while splintered into different personalities.

The being becomes, more and more, seeping roots of awareness ever deeper into the basement of this reality until it crosses over into different dimensions, and grows roots up into the very most magnanimous and immense-of-scale expressions possible in this reality until nothing but consciousness and mind exist in a cohesive and unified way.

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