The struggle to be Naked

My stomach began hurting. I had already been up all night, the day before, and the entire morning up until now (I am quite certain that i’m still awake).

When I am in pain, minor annoyances I experience with my environment begin to magnify with respect to the degree. I drank far too much butter coffee far too quickly, stacked with L-Theanine, Alpha GPC, Oxiracetam, and Modafinil.

I paced around, brainstorming a remedy for my condition, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. I would stop, rub my stomach, lean against the wall, and fix my gaze on a group of objects, and not being able to distinguish any textural contrast with the soles of my feet, feel bored and move.

Like Dis beating his wings and keeping himself frozen, I paced and fed the atmosphere of banality, and a peculiar Nihilism probably only felt in the West that comes with the realization, that, where once creature comforts were the happy byproduct of flopping down and  thoroughly enjoying the confluence of things that make it possible (like air-conditioning, shelter largely cut off from environmental and animal tampering), there is instead a convergence of all of those creature comforts MAGNIFIED, largely removed from the elements that made them so sensually enjoyable, psychologically cleansing, necessary..

The stupid square shape of my life and my books, the boring floors, humming electricity, saturated in music, social media, and developing tics..

Now, none of those things are bad. I did begin to hate them. I walked outside and hunched forward in the shade on the hot concrete, thinking that my visit to the outside world would be shortened to 1/10th if I just flung myself into the full sun in the front yard.

Non-the-less, i felt an immediate relief.. but craved more, if only to laugh at my own stupid neurosis, or look at it from another perspective. A truck drove by, and I ranted to myself about how I hate being reminded by sound and sight that others are around and can just as easily discover my position in space-time. I came to my senses and realized that it wasn’t a good place.

I walked gingerly  over some refuse to a shady part where some bricks sat and stood above them, tracing possible lines of sight from them to the road and all other points of access. I moved the pile forward a bit, and was rewarded with a small uprising of scuttling spiders. Patiently, I waited for two of them to traverse the bricks before sitting, simultaneously shedding my pants.

Discomfort melted away. The constellations of innumerable abstract point I was neurotically watching myself from fizzled and recycled themselves. My entire body was now communicating with its environment as one large, coherent organism. It felt like a circuit had been completed. I can’t emphasize that enough, the sensation that my skin was just switching on and began functioning like one big antenna. No ‘blurry’ patches anymore, where there was just the sensation of pants or shirt that is usually tuned out by the brain as sensory noise (which it effectively is). Space was freed up to allow all input to now mean more as a coherent whole.

In taking the mental step forward to cease my worry or concern over being seen naked, the capacity to fully enjoy near-complete immersion in the moment arose. Such “shock” moments arise that can provide the right nudge a person needs to connect with that slip-stream current. I cannot emphasize how dramatic my shift in perception was when I successfully passed through the membrane of social convention, acceptability, ect..

Actively, I am always putting my feelers out there. I know I touch upon the slipstream when I feel a charge. But the sensation dies away, not having been connected with the right number of others. Certain saturation points exist that can globally reawaken all of the other ‘feelers’ associated with that one. Of course, I am speaking in metaphor. By ‘feelers’ I mean conceptual material that has been refined a great deal usually floating free that is suddenly, and without warning, assembled by my mind into a completely new thing.

There is also an incredible sensuality to soil. Not so much sexual, but a strong feeling of being connected to it as extensions and limbs of the earth. No shame, no fear. I don’t know if I would become a permanent nudist, because I love hemp clothing too much for that, and I love surprising a lover with my physique. Perhaps 1 month out of the year..

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The Non-Euclidean Bridge

How important is it for you to inspire others with words and action? That is all that we have in the end, how our words and actions echo forth and continue, long after death until they are diffused into a part of the greater tapestry of the ancient cosmos. Indeed, we may very well be being bombarded with the ancient deeds of civilizations past, so far away from us that time and distance become meaningless concepts. What we get from their extinction or ascension is a steady, uninterrupted, serene glow whirring with a hum and purpose through a protracted series of lenses: The lens that is the atmosphere, enabling us to exist; the lens of the telescope, enabling us to see farther; the fragile lens of our own eye, orders of magnitude more complex than the first and second, and finally the lens of the mind.

Through the first lens, the atmosphere, there is the primacy of existence. It enables us to ask: What else is out there? We have an atmosphere. Other planets must, therefore there must be life abroad (perhaps in Europe, for example). The second lens, enabled by the first, is a symbol for all technology extending the senses, our sense of exploration, and our powerful curiosity. The third lens gives us a sense of our limits and possibilities, is the reference point for everything, our sense of mortality and speciality. The fourth lens is the connection with the vast unknown that we already have, of all other life, and of the universe itself. It is the most exquisitely sensitive and powerful instrument, many times greater in perceptual power than the other three.

Does the lens of the mind see philosophy in the Universe? Does it magnify the Metaphysical? Can we trap and apprehend photonic, elemental, atomic insights wafted on the cosmic winds? Do the ancient dead and gone slowly supernova the outer layers of their civilizations’ noosphere, and leave us pictures of the cosmos in star systems before they even existed? My gift to the universe: An explosion of Self! Every sacred emanation will be seen through one lens or another at some point. The Euclidean bridge built from the middle peopled with exotic mind-species..

The thought crosses my mind when I look into the eye of another or indeed even imagine another’s eyes, that we may be one day reduced to such a contemplatory backdrop for another species.

How can one escape one’s continual fate as an eternal post-memory of everyone else they interact with. Walking ghosts to one another, lost in the labyrinth of our own thoughts. Never quite existing in the present moment to ourselves or others, and fated to stay suspended in the shimmering background of a celestial archaeological dig for another species.

An inspired moment-to-moment awareness that circumvents linear, causal thinking. There is a larger pattern in the subtleties of the ebb and flow that make up the sustained attention of a focused mind that is questing for what lies beyond the veil. It requires sustaining a grand vision on a large scale, lying a bit beyond the limits of what we can conceive. Coordination, synergy, between people would give us the extra push we need.